I think I finally figured out why I like programming.
I don’t think it’s actually programming.
I’ll spend an unreasonable amount of time trying to understand something that I don’t actually need to understand.
Usually it starts pretty innocently.
Something doesn’t work.
So I start messing with it.
Change something. Nothing.
Change something else. Now I’ve broken two things.
Great.
I had this stupid bug the other day.
Nothing complicated. I just had the wrong idea about what the program was doing.
So naturally, I broke more things.
Changed them back.
Eventually I stopped touching shit and actually followed what was happening.
Printed a few values. Read the code again.
And there it was.
My brain had invented a version of the program that didn’t exist.
One line.
Changed it.
Worked.
I just sat there for a second and went,
“Oh.”
I like that.
I’ve noticed I do this outside programming too.
I’ll hear some weird noise from my computer and immediately need to know what made it.
I’ll see some setting I’ve never used and wonder why the fuck it exists.
I’ll use a command I’ve used a hundred times and suddenly think:
Wait. What the fuck does this actually do?
And that’s it.
Now I’m reading documentation at 1am for something I absolutely did not need to know.
I’ve lost entire evenings like this.
Not even learning anything useful.
Just following a stupid question because now it’s in my head and I can’t leave it there.
A concept makes no sense.
You read about it.
Still doesn’t make sense.
You read about it again, but this time some guy on a blog explains it completely differently.
Still nothing.
Then you’re doing something unrelated three hours later and suddenly it clicks.
And you’re like...
Oh.
That’s what they meant.
I don’t even know why that feels so good.
It shouldn’t.
It’s just information.
But getting there yourself feels different.
Which is probably why I sometimes don’t use the easiest way to solve something.
Not because I think struggling is inherently good.
It isn’t.
I’ve got better things to do than spend an hour debugging something AI could fix in thirty seconds.
And I use AI all the time.
I’ll paste in an error.
I’ll ask it what some weird library is doing.
I’ll have it explain code I don’t understand.
It’s incredibly useful.
But there are times when I read the answer and think:
Okay, sure.
I believe you.
And that’s not quite the same thing.
I got the answer.
I didn’t really figure it out.
Maybe that’s the part I actually like.
Not being right.
Not solving some difficult problem.
Just getting from:
“I have no fucking idea what’s happening.”
to:
“Oh. I see it.”
Even when the thing I’m figuring out is completely useless.
Especially then, maybe.
Because there’s no pressure.
Nobody is waiting for me to finish.
I don’t need to learn this command.
I don’t need to understand why the computer is doing whatever the fuck it’s doing.
I’m just curious.
And curiosity is a weird thing.
You can start with one tiny question and somehow end up three hours later reading documentation for a piece of software you’ll probably never touch again.
And somehow it doesn’t feel wasted.
Everything is getting very good at removing that feeling.
Search it.
Ask AI.
Click the button.
Follow the instructions.
Move on.
Which is great when you actually need to get something done.
Sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes I want to sit there and be confused for a while.
Try something stupid.
Be wrong.
Break it.
Read the error.
Get annoyed.
Try again.
And then you get that little feeling.
Oh.
I figured it out.
Maybe I don’t actually like solving problems that much.
Maybe I just like figuring shit out.
The problem is almost secondary.
I just want to know what’s going on.
Anyway.
I have no idea what I’m going to get stuck on tomorrow.
Probably something stupid.
I’ll probably spend too long figuring it out.
And I’ll probably enjoy it.